Shrek the Clown
by ClusterLizzy
Summary: My Twisty and Shrek crossover. For instance, Shrek as "Twisty", Donkey as "Dandy", the DuLoc kingdom is the Freak Show and so on. Oh, and Twisty talks.
1. Chapter 1

"Once Upon a time, there was a woman born a pure freak, but she had some enchantment on her, that prevented her from being normal. Which could be broken by true love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a fire breathing dragon. Many Freak Shows and Circuses, had attempted to capture this pure freak, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, for her true love and true love's first kiss."

Twisty: Yeah, like that's ever going to happen.

Twisty says, muffled by his grinning mask, and used torn fairytale book page to wipe his butt. Then, he steps out of his own outhouse, stretching and yawning, looking over to his little bus in the woods. He has his own little place, for privacy, and the fact that the Jupiter, Florida townies are afraid of the evil and scary-looking clown. He had a worn-grimey clown suit and a grimey-looking skull cap with three tufts of hair.

Sometimes, a mob would try to drive him out of the woods, but he knows how to scare those who don't like him. At night, a small mob comes by, and stalks around his little bus. But Twisty is following behind them.

Man 1: He's in there, so let's get him.

Man 2: Hold on, you know what that evil clown can do to you?

Man 3: For starters, he'll knock you out with his juggling pins, then stab you with a hidden pair of gardening shears.

They are startled by the presence of the clown.

Twisty: Actually, I prefer to lock children in a cage and force them to watch my clown shows.

Man 4: Get back, you big-scary clown.

Twisty: Would any of you, like to see me, put on a show?

Twisty lightly pats his clown bag, pulling out a juggling pin, and everyone starts running off. Twisty yells after them.

Twisty: And stay away, if you don't like clowns!

The next day, outside Elsa Mars's Freak Show, Elsa was using her bearded lady friend to accept new recruits. One of them is a young man with lobster-like hands.

Ethel: And you are?

Jimmy: I am Jimmy Darling, and I'm not a freak, I'm a real boy.

Ethel: Yeah, yeah, get inside the tent like all the others.

Next in line, is Dandy Mott, a wealthy rich young man, who wants to be apart of the circus life.

Ethel: And you? Who are you?

Dandy: I'm Dandy Mott and I truly feel this is where I belong.

Ethel: Why is that? You don't look like a freak.

Dandy: On the outside, no. But on the inside, I am one of you. Just please, take a chance on me.

Ethel: Sorry, no can do. You have to physically be a freak.

Dandy grabs Ethel by the shirt collar, in anger, startling Ethel.

Dandy: No, you don't understand. You'll be saving my life. Just watch, I can sing the entire Cole Porter canon.

Dandy starts singing, but Ethel has had enough, and sends guards after him. In the woods, he bumps into someone, falling on his butt. Dandy looks up at the clown, and hides behind him, as the guards approach them.

Guard 1: You there, clown, by the order of the Cabinate of Curiousities, this young man is wanted for his obnoxious and unwanted singing.

The clown approaches the guard, guard feeling scared of the big- scary looking clown.

Twisty: Oh really, you and what army?

The guard runs off, scared of the clown, and the clown laughs it off. Dandy is amazed by this, so he follows after the clown, who has walked off.

Dandy: can I say something to you? That was really something, back there.

Twisty: Are you talking to me?

Dandy: To see how you stood up for me, that made me feel real good.

Twisty: Yeah, it was nothing. Now, why don't you go back to your own friends.

Dandy: I don't have any friends.

Twisty walks off again and Dandy runs after him.

Dandy: I got an idea, I can stick with you.

Twisty: Why?

Dandy: You can scare anyone that crosses us.

At that moment, Twisty is becoming quite annoyed with Dandy.

Twisty: Why are you following me?

Dandy: Why? -sings- Because you gotta have friends.

Dandy sings, then approaching Twisty for a hug, but Twisty holds him back.

Twisty: (annoyed) Ugh! It's no wonder you don't have friends.

Dandy: Only a true friend would be that truly honest.

Twisty: Are you serious? What do you think I am?

Dandy: (looks him up and down) Uh, really tall?

Twisty: (annoyed) I'm a scary, terrifying looking clown. I've killed people. Doesn't that bother you?

Dandy: Not really, no. What's your name, anyways?

Twisty: Uh, Twisty.

Dandy: Twisty the clown, I'm Dandy Mott.

Dandy introduces himself, having his hand out for a shake, but Twisty walks off again. Dandy catches up with him.

Dandy: You know what I like about you, Twisty? I think your a bad-ass looking clown. You got that "I don't care what no one thinks about me" attitude. I really like that.

Twisty says nothing as they come to his little school bus in the woods. At first, Dandy is not to surprised, of a clown's choice of home.

Dandy: So, what place is this?

Twisty: This is where I live.

Dandy: And it's very nice, too.

Twisty shakes his head and moves on.

Dandy: And you live here by yourself?

Twisty: I like my privacy.

Dandy: Like something we both have in common. For instance, you got someone in your face, and you give them a hint and they won't leave, so there's that big awkward silence...you know.

At that moment, Twisty gives him an obvious look. Dandy breaks the awkward silence.

Dandy: Can I stay with you, please?

Twisty: (confused) What? And no.

Dandy: Please? Us freaks gotta stick together.

Twisty: Us freaks?

Dandy: You, obviously a freak, but I wear my freakish nature on the inside.

Twisty: (annoyed) Okay, fine. Whatever.

As soon as Twisty opens the door, Dandy was the first to rush in and sit on Twisty's fold-out couch. Twisty, tired of Dandy's shit, storms in.

Dandy: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swap manly stories and tomorrow morning, I'm making waffles.

Twisty growls in anger. Dandy, seeing Twisty annoyed, brushes it off.

Dandy: So, where do I sleep?

Twisty: (shouts and points toward the door) OUTSIDE!

Dandy: Okay, fine. You don't have to be so crabby.

Dandy walks passed Twisty, feeling sad, but Dandy sees the hammock outside soon after Twisty closes the door to his bus. Dandy climbs in his hammock and sings Cole Porter to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

It's now evening and Twisty had just taken off his mask to eat. He had canned goods, stored in his mini school bus, and a can opener and one fork to eat with. He also had a candle, which he lit at night, so he could see what he's eating. He hadn't heard from Dandy, in a few hours, and just assumed he left.

Outside, laying in the hammock, Dandy is suddenly disturbed a green mist and freak ghosts.

Dandy: Who are you guys?

Ghost 1: We have been summoned.

Dandy: Certainly, not by me. I did not ask for freak ghosts.

Ghost 2: We are here for the clown.

Dandy: Well, I'm not him, obviously. He's in there.

Dandy says, pointing toward the bus. Inside the bus, Twisty hears a thud on the door, and is easily annoyed.

Twisty: Dandy, you're still out there? Go away.

Twisty shouts, so Dandy shouts back.

Dandy: It wasn't me, I swear.

Annoyed Twisty, puts his mask back on, steps outside his bus and is surrounded by the ghost freaks and Dandy.

Dandy: Told you, it wasn't me.

Ghost 1: (to Twisty) So, you must be the clown.

Twisty: Yeah, so what do you want?

Ghost 2: We were sent here by Edward Mordrake.

Ghost 3: We are messengers, so we ask you to come to the Freak Show, and be given a task.

Twisty: And what is that?

Ghost 1: We are not sure. We were told to get you to the Freak Show, no questions asks.

Dandy: Sounds like fun. I like the Freak Show.

Twisty: No thanks. Tell this Mordrake to find another clown.

Ghost 2: Mordrake wants you, clown. He didn't say why.

Twisty: Okay, I'll think about it.

Ghost 3: Don't wait too long.

Then the ghosts suddenly vanish. Dandy approaches Twisty.

Dandy: I didn't summon this Mordrake, so don't give me that look.

Twisty: You didn't, but someone at that Freak Show did. And why would they want me?

Dandy: Guess we'll have to go to find out.

Now at the Freak Show, ring-leader Elsa Mars had summoned Edward Mordrake to do her bidding. Clearly, she wants something, and only he can get it for her. This is in her tent. Elsa is seated and Mordrake stands in front of her.

Elsa: So, I hear of this pure freak, so I summoned you.

Mordrake: You think I can aquire this pure freak, am I correct?

Elsa: What else can you do?

Mordrake: This freak lives so far away, and on top of that, no circuses or other side show acts, were able to aquire her without success.

Elsa: Well, you are immortal, so I summoned you and I know you will not fail.

Mordrake: This task would need a mortal, clearly I'm not.

Elsa: So, what are you trying to tell me? I have to get her myself? You said it was dangerous and I'm not risking the freaks I already have.

Mordrake: True, but I am way ahead of you. I sent out my freakish ghosts to collect a sacrifice. Someone who will be perfect for the task.

Elsa: Who is this "sacrifice".

Mordrake: You will soon find out. He or she will be coming by tomorrow for more information.

Elsa: Oh goodie. Then if this person succeeds, to get what I want, then I will be the most popular star attraction of all time.

Mordrake: I will not fail you.

Elsa: Better not.

It is now morning and both Twisty and Dandy come across the Freak Show. Ahead of them, is a path to the big top entry, shaped like a demon head. They both have a conversation as they walk down the path.

Dandy: So, do you suppose, that the Freak Show is looking for a clown?

Twisty: Why? Have you tried to get in?

Dandy: Well, I did try to convience them, that I'm a freak on the inside.

Twisty: And I take it, that it didn't go very well.

Dandy: Let's put it this way. I think my singing was too good for their Freak Show. Must be the same for your clown tricks.

Twisty doesn't answer, as he sees a young man at the podiem, taking tickets. The same boy with the lobster hands. When Jimmy sees the creepy-looking clown, he is startled.

Twisty: Excuse me, I think I am supposed to be here.

Jimmy says nothing, but runs inside the big top.

Dandy: You have a way with people, don't you?

Twisty: Dandy, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

Dandy: Sorry about that.

Annoyed with Dandy, they go inside the big top. Anxious to see what awaits them.

...more to come


	3. Chapter 3

Dandy and Twisty walk in, hearing a song and people cheering. Clearly, the Freak Show is putting on a Matinee performance. They see an older blonde lady, on stage and singing "Life on Mars", and other fellow freaks playing intruments and performing behind her.

Elsa is cut off when the crowd is focused on Dandy, then shudders and gasps at the sight of Twisty, as they approach the stage. Elsa is not happy about this.

Elsa: (outraged) What is that? It's hideous.

Twisty responds in sarcasm, as he glances at Dandy, then back at Elsa.

Twisty: Ah, that's not very nice. He's just a rich-nancy boy.

Dandy: Huh?

Elsa: Indeed. What is your reason for ruining my performance?

Twisty: I was told to come here.

Elsa: Really? I never sent for a you.

Dandy: No, but maybe you might know an Edward Mordrake?

Elsa: (to Dandy) You, I remember you. You was here yesterday. Your singing is terrible.

Dandy: (mumbles under his breath) Speak for yourself.

Elsa: What was that?

Twisty: Just take us to Mordrake and we'll be out of here.

Elsa: Ugh! (turns to Ethel) Take over, will you?

Ethel: Sure thing.

Inside Elsa's tent, Edward Mordrake is waiting on the sofa, and stands up when Elsa comes in with a clown and a young man.

Elsa: Mr Mordrake, these two men swear that you sent for them.

Mordrake: For the clown, yes.

Twisty: (to Mordrake) Do I know you?

Mordrake: Not personally, no. But, I did call you here for something.

Twisty: What do you want with me? I didn't do anything.

Dandy: (to Twisty) Don't listen to him, Twisty. I hear he kills freaks. Explains the ghosts, outside your little bus, last night. He's gonna make you one of them.

Twisty: (to Dandy) Shut up, Dandy.

Edward Mordrake approaches Twisty, reaching out and touching his face.

Mordrake: I got a mission for you, and if you do it and succeed, I will give you what you always wanted. More like, what you used to be.

Twisty: And what's that?

Mordrake: You used to be a normal, circus performer, were you not? Now, people fear you, cause you were forced to change. Change into a freak.

Twisty: That wasn't my fault. I was driven out, had no where to go, and stayed hidden for years. Every now and then, some people have seen me and called me a freak, so I killed them.

Mordrake: Would you like to perform again? Would you like to become the children's clown you once were?

Before Twisty could answer, Dandy interrupts.

Dandy: Just tell us, what we have to do, before we agree to anything.

Mordrake: Fair enough. Do you know about the stories of the puriest freak of all? The one that other circuses and carnivals tried to claim, but failed?

Dandy: What about this pure freak? It's just a story.

Mordrake: It's not just a story. It is true. Miss Elsa Mars, wants this pure freak, to be added to her Freak Show. (to Twisty) You go fetch her, and bring her back unharmed, I will give you what you want.

Dandy: How could we trust you?

Mordrake: I may be evil, but I never break my deals. (to Twisty) What do you say? Would you like to be a normal-looking clown again and not have to worry about hiding?

Twisty nods, but Dandy isn't convinced.

Dandy: You make it sound so simple. What's the catch?

Mordrake: You will see, and it will be a long walk, so travel safely.

Twisty: We will need a map.

Mordrake: Sure, that is fair.

After Mordrake hands Twisty a rolled map, Twisty snatches it and walks out of the tent. Dandy follows after him.

Dandy: So, were actually going on an adventure?

Twisty: What is this "we" stuff?

Dandy: We are friends, remember? We help each other out.

Twisty opens the map and starts walking down a dirt road, near the Freak Show. Dandy is following after him again.

Dandy: So, why are you doing this, anyways? Do you really believe what Edward Mordrake said about making you normal again?

Twisty: (shrugs) It's worth a shot.

Dandy: But, I thought this Mordrake takes the life of a freak, not just restore a freak's inner appearance.

Twisty: So what if he takes my life? I wouldn't care.

Dandy: Then, I wouldn't have any friends.

Twisty: Not my problem.

Dandy changes the subject, sort of.

Dandy: And why Mordrake chose you to capture this "pure freak", if no one else had any success?

Twisty: You ask too many questions, rich boy.

After a few minutes of silence, Dandy changes his mood and starts singing show tunes to pass the time. This annoys Twisty, causing him to stop in his tracks. Dandy stops singing.

Twisty: Ugh!

Dandy: Why did you stop? I was having fun.

Twisty: You sing one more show tune, I won't hesitate to bonk you in the head, with one of my juggling pins.

Twisty warns Dandy, patting his clown bag, that he had carrying over his shoulder.

Dandy: Okay, fine. But if I can't sing, can I hum?

Twisty: (pointing out) Humming is fine. Just don't sing.

Dandy smiles in agreement, then they continue walking on the dirt path. After two days, and two nights, of walking and resting, they do finally come to their destination. But first, have to walk up a hill, and Twisty smells something burnt. Dandy comments on that, is is walking behind Twisty.

Dandy: Pew, Twisty was that you? Next time, warn somebody before you crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.

Twisty: It wasn't me. Something smells burnt.

Dandy: Like brimstone or something? Yeah, I know what I smell, and it wasn't brimstone.

Twisty doesn't say anything, as they make it over the hill, and castle surrounded by molten rock. The only way across, appears to be a rickety turns to Dandy.

Twisty: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.

Twisty laughs, but Dandy is feeling unsure about the situation.

Dandy: Edward Mordrake never mentioned this.

Twisty: He said that there was a catch.

Dandy: Yeah, but he could have mentioned this. Is there something else that I need to know?

Twisty: A dragon perhaps? (chuckles) Just kidding.

Dandy: Not funny, clown.

Twisty is catching on to Dandy's sudden lack of assurance.

Twisty: Wait a second, are you scared or something?

Dandy: I'm just curious, to why there's a castle, in the middle of a boiling lake of lava.

Twisty: You know what? You whine to much. I'm starting to get real tired of your shit.

Dandy: Okay then, you go first.

Twisty starts walking off the bridge first, then looks over at Dandy, who isn't on the bridge yet.

Twisty: Scared of heights?

Dandy: A little bit.

Twisty: Just keep moving and don't look down.

Then finally making it over the bridge, Twisty and Dandy enter the castle. Inside the castle, is dark and gloomy, and Twisty and Dandy starts looking around the lobby part of the castle.

Dandy: (whsipers) Are you afraid?

Twisty: No, but...Shh.

Dandy: Oh good, me neither.

Dandy starts rambling on, about why he isn't scared, even though he is. His ramblings annoy Twisty.

Twisty: Two things, rich boy. Shut..up. Now, go around and start looking for rooms. This pure freak has to be in one of them.

Dandy: And how would you know this?

Twisty: I read it in a book.

Dandy: Ugh, you always take the easy tasks.

Twisty and Dandy part ways, in help and find this pure freak.


End file.
